Next Please…

When you feel that someone has stopped loving you after your first four months, you don’t stop and wonder where the past six years went. You move on hoping to find someone worth your next six.

Is That My Name In Black and White?!

Is that my name up on that list? Does someone know that I exist? Is this a mistake, Am I even awake? Pinch me now, to make sure…. WHOA! That is my name in black and white, maybe i’m doing something right! WOW! I feel so much better than before.

Seeing my name in black and white, that beats the first time that we kissed. You thought I was dumb, but I think that somebody’s judgement was poor. Seeing my name in black and white, It’s like making love with you all night, NO WAIT! it feels so much better! hello much better! ‘Cause I’am so much better than before!

Maybe he’s what you prefer, but hey last year i was him, maybe you will change your mind but you might look up to find… i’ve gone on to better things, better job or bigger ring. I don’t have the time to cry, I’m too busy loving my name up on that list!

-so legally blonde moment.

I passed my board exam.. cheers! cheers!

Akihiro Sato: A Worthwhile Distraction

The latest man-toast of the town…

Akihiro Sato, half-brazilian half-japanese.

A worthwhile and yummy distraction for broken hearted people…

yum! yum!

Reboot

Reboot and restart.

When everything fails, when your heart’s always unsure and when attempts of moving forward just wouldn’t work, trace your steps and start all over again.

So, I’m in that phase right now, rebooting and restarting, finding the “Sime” I lost in that 6 years of pretension. I’m going back to that boy who always has that infectious smile, the boy who dreams big, the boy takes care of his heart, the boy who never gets afraid of being alone, the boy devoid of paranoia. This time i’ll start fresh again, ready to live fully and love more.

Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince Movie

So excited about the film! I hope it’s really good, to make the delay worth it… I got to read the book again though, to refresh my memory!

Why Does It Hurt So Bad?

I still remember the day we first met, you were crying over a love that has just ended, I was very sure that you loved Ysh so much and it may take you a while to move on but nevertheless I took the plunge and dated you. We became an item after a couple of movie dates and dinner dates. I loved you unconditionally from the very start, like I had expected, you were still in love with Ysh, I remember each stories you tell me of him, how smart he is, how eccentric he is, the relationship you had with him and how much you’ve hurt because he left you. I just listened… though hurting inside, I tried to be the consoling friend you were yearning for while you try to move on, enduring you’re insensitive banters that compares me to Ysh. I love you unconditionally even back then, I’m sorry if you never felt it. Sometimes love doesn’t need to hold your hands, because sometimes the person loving you needs to hold his own heart, so it won’t feel the pain of loving you too much.

Though i wasn’t financially stable to actually be in a relationship back then, I did try my best to make you feel important. You have been so generous when we go out and I have always been grateful for that but what I lack in the financial department, I try to compensate in time. You were my priority back then, not my studies, not my family, not my friends and not even myself, it was always you. I remember not attending my classes so I could assist you for your final demo, I was there the night before to help you finish your material, I was there on your demo, to take pictures and to take care of the foods. I also skipped school, so I could watch your mom in the hospital, because you were working already and you couldn’t make absences yet…and all those times that you wanted to go out for a movie or what-not’s, I was always there. I’m not blaming you for whatever happened to my life. I just wanted you to know back then, how much I love you, how I could stop living my life, so you’ll have me near you.

We’ve been together for six years now and it’s not the first time you’ve been unfaithful. I remember Toi, your ex who used to send you money or what-have-yous from abroad, you told me it was just because he asked you to look after his kids here in the Philly, i never heard of those kids. really. Those pictures on your MP4, your G4m accounts I accidentally uncovered, Noel and all the others things I tried to forget, I let it all pass, assumed the role of a marytr lover just so you know, how unconditional my love is. So sad… you haven’t felt it.

Why does it hurt so bad? because for the longest time, I tried to perfect for you. because you’ll never be exclusively mine, the moon will always reminds you of Ysh, no matter how beautifully it shines when were together. PS won’t be ours, it will always remind me of Noel, Makati isn’t ours, PNU isn’t ours, your home isn’t ours. because you say you never felt that I love you. because if I haven’t caught you, you’d still be cheating. because after all that’s said and done you haven’t changed.

Take A Bow- Rihanna

I’m so feeling this song right now! Rihanna’s really got it going!

Panalo ang mga linya!

“Don’t tell me you’re sorry ’cause you’re not, and baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught”

“but you put on quite a show, really had me going. but now it’s time to go, curtain’s finally closing. That’s was quite a show, very entertaining, but it’s over now…go on and take a bow!”

Bagay sakin….

On “Un” State

Unwell. For the last 5 days I feel like a dying balloon on air, floating without direction, waiting to fall on the ground…lifeless. I never really thought that i could hurt this much, I’ve been the most numb person I know, I’ve always believed in the power of the word “dedma”, not to really care about things, so I dont get hurt. But when you love, you’re bound to really get stabbed in the chest, big time.

Unsure. I’ve been ecstatic about the changes in my life, new work, new friends, new environment, but that was before. Now, I felt so unsure, like stepping on thin ice, there’s a beat in my heart that wants to back out from these changes.

Uninspired. I can’t have my dream. not now, not in the near future. It’s just dissapointing to know that the person whom I want to share my future with, doesn’t share my vision, it’s too late for planning and saving, time will just eventually fade what’s left of the picture.

Chasing Pavements

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavement, even if it leads to nowhere or would it be a waste, even if I knew my place,should I leave it there?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if I know it will lead me nowhere.

-Adele

Sleep

I wasn’t able to sleep, images keeps popping in my head and i cried silently till dawn. So, this is how it feels to have your heart broken and pounded to powder. Sobra! ang sakit! No words can really describe the pain. It usualy creeps once I lay down in bed and would go on until I fall asleep and once I woke up it returns again. I dread sleeping now, I’d love to be asleep,it takes me out of this reality, it’s the falling to sleep action that dreads me. It’s a moment when I don’t have anything to distract me from the pain in my heart.